The Save The Marriage Podcast
Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
Categories: Health
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Listen to the last episode:
Yes, this is the #1 thing people request in therapy. And no, fixing it will not fix your marriage.
This is part rant, part warning, and part explanation. Because, communication skills has somehow become a central tenet of hurting marriages. So, therapists teach them, clients request them, and marriages just don't get better.
When I was in training, this somehow became the default approach, even after all the theory and explanations of problems in a marriage. Lots of very convoluted, confusing theories were proposed, and then, the treatment?
Teach communication skills!
Which is probably why marriage therapy has such abysmal results. When you look at the actual research, 50% of marriages that seek therapy still end up divorced. Pretty much the overall national average for any marriage. And only 10 to 15% of couples report any improvement. Let me say that again: any improvement.
Why? Well there are multiple issues (I discuss them right here) behind this. But a big reason is this emphasis on communication skills. And yet, when I am meeting with a couple, almost always, I understand everything they are saying. And they seem to understand each other! That is not the issue.
In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I tell you why this isn't going to save your marriage, and how to make a shift to what can.
Listen below!
RELATED RESOURCES:
Podcast: 3 Problems with Therapy
Substack: The Connection Compass
Program: The Save The Marriage System
This is part rant, part warning, and part explanation. Because, communication skills has somehow become a central tenet of hurting marriages. So, therapists teach them, clients request them, and marriages just don't get better.
When I was in training, this somehow became the default approach, even after all the theory and explanations of problems in a marriage. Lots of very convoluted, confusing theories were proposed, and then, the treatment?
Teach communication skills!
Which is probably why marriage therapy has such abysmal results. When you look at the actual research, 50% of marriages that seek therapy still end up divorced. Pretty much the overall national average for any marriage. And only 10 to 15% of couples report any improvement. Let me say that again: any improvement.
Why? Well there are multiple issues (I discuss them right here) behind this. But a big reason is this emphasis on communication skills. And yet, when I am meeting with a couple, almost always, I understand everything they are saying. And they seem to understand each other! That is not the issue.
In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I tell you why this isn't going to save your marriage, and how to make a shift to what can.
Listen below!
RELATED RESOURCES:
Podcast: 3 Problems with Therapy
Substack: The Connection Compass
Program: The Save The Marriage System
Previous episodes
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859 - No, this will NOT fix your marriage! (but it’s the #1 request in therapy)Wed, 24 Apr 2024 - 0h
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858 - Dealing With an Indifferent SpouseWed, 03 Apr 2024 - 0h
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857 - 3 Failpoints You FaceWed, 27 Mar 2024 - 0h
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856 - Milestones and Markers — 500 Episodes!Thu, 21 Mar 2024 - 0h
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855 - The Trick to Saving Your MarriageWed, 13 Mar 2024 - 0h
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854 - Facing FACTsThu, 07 Mar 2024 - 0h
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853 - How to Get Help for Your Marriage… and Mistakes To AvoidWed, 28 Feb 2024 - 0h
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852 - The Connection TrapWed, 21 Feb 2024 - 0h
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851 - The Pause ProblemWed, 14 Feb 2024 - 0h
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850 - 7 Complicators to Your Efforts to Save Your MarriageWed, 24 Jan 2024 - 0h
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849 - Dealing with Depression and a Marriage CrisisWed, 17 Jan 2024 - 0h
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848 - The Ghosts of Your Relationship PastWed, 20 Dec 2023 - 0h
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847 - Stuck in the NegativeWed, 13 Dec 2023 - 0h
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846 - Dealing with Disrespect and BoundariesWed, 06 Dec 2023 - 0h
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845 - Why You Can’t Force ConnectionWed, 29 Nov 2023 - 0h
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844 - Dealing with a Heavy Holiday — in the midst of a marriage crisisTue, 21 Nov 2023 - 0h
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843 - How the Created Past Hurts Your MarriageWed, 15 Nov 2023 - 0h
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842 - Are Things Improving?? How do you know??Wed, 08 Nov 2023 - 0h
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841 - Take These 3 Steps To Save Your MarriageMon, 30 Oct 2023 - 0h
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840 - Why Your Spouse Can’t See A Way ForwardThu, 12 Oct 2023 - 0h
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839 - The Road to Divorce: 8 StopsWed, 04 Oct 2023 - 0h
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838 - The 7 Stages of DisconnectionWed, 27 Sep 2023 - 0h
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837 - Why You Aren’t Getting StartedWed, 20 Sep 2023 - 0h
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836 - Are You Showing Up??Wed, 16 Aug 2023 - 0h
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835 - When Your Spouse Has Lost HopeWed, 19 Jul 2023 - 0h
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834 - The Perception/Connection TrapWed, 12 Jul 2023 - 0h
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833 - Apology ≠ ForgivingWed, 05 Jul 2023 - 0h
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832 - The Blame – Shame TrapWed, 28 Jun 2023 - 0h
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831 - Derailed? Why and what to do…Wed, 31 May 2023 - 0h
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830 - Saving your marriage… 2 dangerous approachesWed, 17 May 2023 - 0h
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829 - Changing… and proving itWed, 26 Apr 2023 - 0h
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828 - Finding the Energy to ContinueWed, 12 Apr 2023 - 0h
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827 - “I need space!” — that’s tough!Wed, 29 Mar 2023 - 0h
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826 - Enemies, Victims, or….Wed, 22 Mar 2023 - 0h
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825 - Dragged UnderWed, 15 Mar 2023 - 0h
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824 - 4 Failing FearsWed, 01 Mar 2023 - 0h
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823 - It Isn’t Just About RomanceWed, 15 Feb 2023 - 0h
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822 - Is a Marriage Intensive for You?Wed, 08 Feb 2023 - 0h
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821 - The Marriage Murdering MythWed, 01 Feb 2023 - 0h
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820 - Sharing PowerWed, 18 Jan 2023 - 0h
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819 - Helping or Hurting??Wed, 04 Jan 2023 - 0h
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818 - A-ha Moment or Slow Turn-Around?Wed, 14 Dec 2022 - 0h
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817 - Staying Together for the Wrong Reasons??Wed, 07 Dec 2022 - 0h
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816 - Your Spouse Isn’t…Wed, 30 Nov 2022 - 0h
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815 - The Next Phase: Chronic or Thriving?Wed, 16 Nov 2022 - 0h
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814 - Is It Too Toxic??Wed, 09 Nov 2022 - 0h
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813 - The Dangers of Emotions and DecisionsWed, 02 Nov 2022 - 0h
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812 - Why “Limbo” is a LieWed, 26 Oct 2022 - 0h
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811 - Midlife Marriage Crisis and ConnectingWed, 05 Oct 2022 - 0h
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810 - Stuck in Questioning??Wed, 28 Sep 2022 - 0h
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