Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

00:00 KFM Mornings with Darren, Sherlyn, Sibbs and Hugh. 00:05 It's Bruno Mars. I just might here on KFM Mornings, 12 minutes after 8 o'clock. Time for your senseless survey. Last few seconds to throw in a guess of how many questions I will ask in this morning's senseless survey. Do it now on our WhatsApp telephone and you could win one of many real cool prizes from small businesses here in the Western Cape. 00:28 Here we go. Here we go. Here is another senseless survey from Darren Wackhead Simpson on KFM Mornings. 00:35 KFM Mornings. 00:37 All right, throw some numbers at me. Sherlyn, we'll start with you. How many questions will I ask you this morning? Senseless survey. 00:43 Eight questions. 00:44 Eight subs. 00:46 Eleven questions. 00:47 Eleven. Yeah, all good. All good guesses, Ramiz. Ten questions. Ten. Oh, fantastic, Ramiz. 00:54 Hey. 00:54 Producer Brad. Ten questions. 00:57 Oh, fantastic. Look at that. Look at that. Somebody's figured out the system here. 01:02 Vanus, do you want to have a guess, Vanus? How many questions? Eight. 01:05 Eight. 01:07 Ah, you see. No, he learned nothing. 01:09 He didn't learn that. He's not paying attention. 01:16 All right, so this is where I ask a bunch of random questions, all in the interest of saving South Africa. 01:24 We seek answers for the unanswered questions. 01:26 Sorry, saving South Africa. Saving the nation, Brad, you heard correctly. 01:30 Yes, yes, yes, yes. 01:32 Do you object, sir? No, no, I'm just observing. 01:37 Imagine not wanting to save the nation. 01:39 The senseless survey saves South Africa. 01:44 There's a hashtag. Register that URL right now, Ramiz, please. 01:50 Can't wait to hear the questions that are going to save us. 01:52 Okay, well, strap in. 01:56 Because here they come. 01:59 Thank you. 02:02 Good morning, sir. I'm calling you from the Senseless Bureau. There were a few questions that you forgot to answer on your census form. I just need to go through them right now with you quickly, okay? Yeah? Do you think Scottish terriers bark with an accent? 02:15 No. 02:17 When you think of your grandma, what does she smell like? 02:21 My grandma? 02:23 Food. 02:24 Food. Is your day filled mostly with appointments or disappointments? 02:32 How helpful was your GPS in finding yourself? 02:38 Very bad. 02:39 How can anybody trust a glue that does not stick to the inside of its own bottle? 02:44 Okay, that's a good one. 02:53 I have no idea. 02:55 How long did you call it a lab top before somebody corrected you? 03:00 A laptop? Nah, never. 03:03 When you're trying to find out who views your Facebook profile the most, do you know that to find the answer you just need to look in the mirror? 03:14 No, I didn't know that one. 03:16 What is your favorite word to say in slow motion? F*** you. 03:23 Excuse me? 03:25 Have you ever been attracted to a mannequin? 03:29 No. 03:30 Can you pick your nose with your thumb? 03:34 No. 03:35 Have you tried? 03:39 He doesn't want to commit to that one. 03:41 You know someone's going to try now. 03:43 Someone's trying right now. Possibly. 03:46 And you see things in traffic. You see lots of things in traffic. Can anybody hear? 03:52 I think you have to be like one of those dudes with a long fingernail on the thumb. Oh, Brad! 03:59 it's like mining i saw one of those this weekend i i see them all the time and you know how much i've tried to research like what is the and i've asked people why do you grow the pinky finger now like what is that for there used to be the saying From Durban. 04:16 Uh-huh. 04:16 That the guys that did that, because you know you'd have a ponytail, an earring, this was a Durban vibe, and a long pinky fingernail. But no, that was not me. 04:25 Okay. And it was to flick the seeds out of the marijuana. 04:31 Oh. 04:32 When you were, they say mulling it. 04:35 Because I didn't want to go there where, you know, the dwellings. 04:40 Yeah, for me it was straight up dwellings. That's what I understood it for. 04:45 And is it like both fingers or just one? 04:48 But I saw a guy working at the cell phone shop. 04:53 He don't look like he's doing any of that stuff. 04:56 So it's a tool. It could also be a tool. 04:58 You don't know people's extracurricular activities. Get the screen to replace the screen. You can hook it up with your finger. I don't think so. 05:08 Better be strong. 05:09 And you know, when do you actually ask the person? 05:14 You don't. 05:15 You don't? Like... 05:16 What's up with your freaky nail? 05:18 What's with a fingernail, bro? Why do you do it? I'm sure there's multiple reasons. But maybe we should actually start asking. 05:26 As opposed to making assumptions. 05:28 If you've got a long pinky nail finger, why? 05:33 And for how long have you been growing it? 05:35 Because, yes, because Google has not given me a definitive answer. Ever. Ever. 05:42 And there might not be a definitive answer, right? 05:46 Sure, but what's your reason? 05:50 Why? Do you know anybody in your immediate circle that's got one? I don't. 05:57 I don't. What's the why? 05:58 And when you clip your fingernails, do you just take a little bit off of that one as well? 06:04 Well, yes, for nail health. 06:06 You've got to manage it. What's the rules here? Please let us know. On 082-9450-947. That's a real senseless survey question. 06:14 Furtinent questions, man. 06:16 Think about it. 06:16 Think about it. 06:18 We will properly solve this. We're solving this now. We're not leaving until we know. It's one republic. Need your love. So here we go with the senseless survey. 06:29 Championship rounds. Good morning, Donald from Ravensmead. 06:34 How are you? 06:35 I'm good on you, Donnie. Donnie. Yes, sir. Give me the correct answer, please, sir. 06:41 That was ten questions. 06:43 Ten questions. Now, Donald, first question. Tell me, do you have a long pinky fingernail? 06:51 Yes, I do. 06:52 You do? 06:52 Are you joking? Donald, for real? 06:58 Yes, I do. 06:59 And how long is long, Donald? 07:02 uh not very long i have just cut it short i keep it like kind of medium but yeah the wife is always like why why why why do you just like the look of it donald no not the look as such but um i i use it for picking money you use it for what For picking stuff. Picking? 07:29 Yeah, I do. 07:31 I work with cell phones, so sometimes I use it to pick up small stuff. 07:36 Yeah. 07:40 I wonder if the pharmacists, you know, when they're dispensing the tablets, you need 10. 07:46 There's that thing. 07:50 They've got a tool, Darren. Come on. 07:53 And technically nails are tools. 07:56 If your pharmacist does that, you need better medical aid. Some say it's a practical tool. 08:03 Yes. 08:04 Opening packaging. 08:05 Yeah. 08:07 Peeling off stickers. 08:08 Scooping things up. 08:10 Come on. There's knives and other things for this. 08:13 And how long have you been doing this for? 08:18 Around 10, yeah? 08:20 Wow. 08:21 Let's see. We've got a bunch of people on the WhatsApp telephone explaining the use of their long pinky fingernail. 08:26 I've actually got a buddy that has a long pinky nail. 08:34 And it's just, as you said, it's for the seeds, for the marijuana. 08:41 You know, Darren, that pinky nail, he goes nicely into your nose, man. Leaning afterwards in your ears. 08:49 Yeah, it's for gross stuff, you see. 08:53 For picking. 08:54 Yeah, okay. Donald. 08:56 No judgment, though. 08:58 And thanks for sharing. It's a safe space. 09:01 Some say it's for fashion. 09:04 What fashion? 09:08 All right, Donald, let's spin the wheel for you, brother. Okay, fast or slow, left or right? 09:15 Right and fast. 09:17 Right and fast. Let's whip it around. 09:19 Hmm. 09:24 Hmm. 09:29 What has Donnie got? 09:34 Okay, let's see here. You have got a... 09:40 A mini peg rail. Okay, just listen to me. Let me finish here, Donnie. 09:47 A mini peg rail. 09:49 A minimal desk mirror. 09:52 Grow up, Darren. 09:53 What? 09:54 Grow up. No, no, he's not going to know what I'm talking about here. Read the prize professionally. 09:57 A minimal desk mirror and a... 10:01 Birch Bath Caddy. This is worth 2,670 Rand, including delivery from coal timbers. 10:10 What a beautiful collection of prices. Coal interiors. Coal interiors. They make great furniture. 10:17 And it's all stuff out of timber. 10:22 Okay. I would love that. 10:25 I would love that. You know what? I've read these things. You probably don't really know what they are. But your wife will. 10:33 Most definitely. You know us guys most. We don't know a lot of stuff. 10:36 Yeah. And, you know, your wife is going to be super excited when you come home with this. This is premium quality bathroom accessories. 10:46 Wow. I would love that, probably. 10:49 Yeah, you will. 10:53 All right, Donnie. 10:54 Enjoy. 10:57 Cheers, brother. Sure, Donnie. 10:58 Bye-bye. 10:59 Okay. 11:01 Look, I'm looking at the pictures of it. It's really, really awesome. 11:05 I've bought a few things from them, actually. So I've got the desk mirror, which is this beautiful mirror that can sit on top of your desk. And I also have a shoe rack, but it's not part of this set of prizes. So really nice stuff. 11:18 Everything beautifully crafted out of wood, you can get them from there. Now, what is always the deal? You give us a lacquer prize and we'll give you an advert that you make yourself. And I love the authenticity of that. So if you are a small business... 11:34 wanting a bit of a push, a bit of a plug, give us a prize. You can email us. It's mornings at kfm.co.za. So as one space becomes vacant, we fill it with another one. So pop us an email. But it is your time to shine, Cole Interiors. Here we go. 11:49 KFM Mornings with Darren, Sherlyn, Sibbs and you.